Anger in children, teens, and young adults
Everyone gets angry sometimes. For young children, anger can be a way to get attention or express a need. School-age kids may get upset over fairness and frustration. Teens and young adults facing big life changes may have outbursts and mood swings. At any age, anger becomes a concern when it’s frequent, extreme, and distressing to others.
Help for children, teens, and young adults processing anger
When anger takes over, it can leave you feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to handle it. You’re not alone. There are simple, effective steps you can take to support your child or teen.
Stay calm during outbursts and avoid yelling. Remember: your response sets the tone. Once they’re calm, talk through what happened and help them understand their feelings. And when they choose positive responses, celebrate those moments. Encouragement helps turn healthy behaviors into lasting habits.
If anger is frequent or intense, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. We’re here to help.
Learn more about anger at your child’s age
Anger in early childhood (0–5 years)
Anger is a normal part of development for babies and toddlers. It’s how they begin to express their needs and feelings.
Young children often act out because they don’t have the words or skills to manage their emotions. Outbursts are common when children are tired, hungry, or not feeling well. Sometimes, these outbursts signal an unmet need. Other times, they’re a response to frustration or a way to get attention.
Temper tantrums — screaming, stomping, hitting, or throwing themselves on the floor — often start around age 1. It’s normal for toddlers to have a few tantrums a week. Most children start to have fewer tantrums by age 3 and outgrow them before kindergarten.
What can I do?
When your child has an angry outburst:
- Avoid yelling or harsh discipline
- Respond calmly
- Don’t try to talk through feelings during a tantrum. It’s unlikely to help and might even reinforce the behavior to get attention.
- Take time to ask what happened and listen after they calm down
- Reward healthy behavior with attention and praise
When should I be concerned?
While some angry outbursts are a natural part of early childhood, you should seek professional help if:
- Your child has been removed from daycare, preschool, or play dates because of anger
- They’ve harmed others, or you’re worried they might
- Outbursts seem unpredictable and not tied to obvious signs of stress
- Tantrums are frequent, severe, and last a long time
- It’s hard to comfort or calm your child
- You avoid going out because trips often end in yelling, crying, or fighting
- Their behavior leaves you feeling depressed or worried
Where can I get help?
- Talk to your child’s pediatrician for expert guidance
- Check with your child’s preschool or daycare about support resources
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
Your friends and family may tell you that kids usually outgrow this behavior. They might suggest a wait-and-see approach. But research shows that the longer it goes on, the harder it is to change.
If your child needs treatment, we’ll involve you closely in their care. That doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong as a parent. It means we’ll work together to build healthy emotional habits.
We’ll share effective ways to reduce anger and outbursts. These might include ignoring the behavior, calm discipline, and positive attention.
Ohana uses a range of evidence-based treatments. We know that no two families are alike, so we’ll get to know you and your child through an evaluation. This way, we choose a care approach that works for your needs. Learn more about our treatment options. Learn more about our treatment options.
Anger in school-age children (6–11 years)
As children grow, they learn to manage feelings, make friends, and handle challenges. It’s normal to feel angry or have an emotional outburst from time to time. They may show frustration when they struggle to master a new skill, lose a game, or deal with something unfair or difficult. You may find that this is especially true when they’re tired or hungry. By the time your child starts school, outbursts should happen less often and be easier to manage.
It's important to note that anger in boys may look different from that of girls. Boys are more likely to show anger through external actions like hitting and yelling.
What can I do?
When your school-age child shows anger:
- Avoid yelling or harsh discipline
- Respond calmly
- Don’t try to talk through things during an outburst
- Help them name and understand their feelings after they settle down
- Praise and reward healthy behaviors
- Be a role model in your own actions when facing anger
When should I be concerned?
While anger is common in school-age children, you should seek help if:
- Tantrums continue past age 5
- Teachers say your child is disruptive at school
- They harm themselves or others
- They’re excluded from birthday parties, play dates, and other social activities because of their behavior
- Their actions make you feel depressed or worried
- Their behavior disrupts life at home
- Outbursts start to affect their self-esteem
Where can I get help?
- Talk to your child’s pediatrician for expert guidance
- Ask your child’s school about anger management or mental health support
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
A mental health provider can help you find out what’s behind your child’s anger. They may have discussions with you and your child, usually together. Treatments for this age group usually involve parents. The goal is to help your child feel understood and teach them better ways to handle frustration.
Ohana uses a range of evidence-based treatments. We know that no two families are alike, so we’ll get to know you and your child through an evaluation. This way, we choose a care approach that works for your needs. Learn more about our treatment options.
Anger in teens (12–18 years) and young adults (19–25 years)
This age brings big changes physically, socially, and emotionally. Hormones spike during puberty, which can fuel mood swings and intense feelings. The part of the brain responsible for reward-driven behavior (limbic system) becomes highly active. Meanwhile, the part that manages planning and self-control (prefrontal cortex) doesn’t fully mature until the mid-20s. This gap can make it hard for teens and young adults to manage anger and other strong emotions.
Recognizing adolescent mental health signs and symptoms
Not all anger is just about growing pains. For some teens, ongoing irritability, aggression, or outbursts are signs of a deeper issue like anxiety or depression. If your teen is acting out, pulling away from friends and family, or showing signs of hopelessness, they might need support.
What can I do?
To support your teen or young adult:
- Be curious and open while respecting their independence
- Validate their emotions with empathy and supportive statements
- Avoid discussing problems during an outburst. Wait until they’re calm
- Choose neutral times to talk, like during a walk or drive
- Offer advice if they’re open to it, but respect their space if they aren’t
When should I be concerned?
It’s important to seek mental health help for teens if they:
- Are unusually angry for a long time
- Engage in risky, unsafe, or illegal behavior
- Become violent or aggressive
- Seem out of control
- Get angry in many different situations
- Make you feel worried or anxious
Where can I get help?
- Talk to your child’s primary care doctor for expert guidance
- Reach out to their school or university counseling or mental health services
- Use an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), if available
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
Your teen’s anger could link to anxiety, depression, alcohol or drug use, or early signs of conditions like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Personality disorders may begin to show during adolescence, but we can’t formally diagnose them until adulthood.
If they need a mental health assessment, a provider will likely meet with you and your child separately. But parent involvement is still important during diagnosis and treatment.
Your child’s care plan will depend on their diagnosis. It may include individual therapy, group therapy, medication, family support, or a combination of these.
Ohana uses a range of evidence-based treatments. We know that no two families are alike, so we’ll get to know you and your child through an evaluation. This way, we choose a care approach that works for your lifestyle. Learn more about our treatment options.
