Grief and loss in young people
No matter how much you want to protect your child from pain, things like illness, tragedy, and loss are a part of life. What you can do is help them feel safe, supported, and understood as they go through it.
Bereavement symptoms differ among children, depending on their age, personality, and relationship to the person who died. As their parent or caregiver, you’re likely grieving, too, and that can make things even more complicated. While grief is deeply personal, it’s something your whole family goes through together. Look for ways to support each other while honoring your child’s unique experience.
Help processing grief for children, teens, and young adults
Grief can be confusing and overwhelming for children, but your support can make a world of difference. Start with honesty: use clear, simple language to explain what’s happening. It’s okay to say that someone has died, even if the words feel hard. Let your child know their feelings are normal, whether they’re sad, angry, quiet, or full of questions.
Try to keep normal daily routines in place as much as possible to help your child feel secure. Make space for memories by talking about the person who has died and sharing stories. Let your child take the lead on how much they want to talk or participate in funerals or other related events. Above all, stay close, offer comfort, and remind them that they’re not alone.
Learn more about grief and loss at your child's age
Grief and loss in early childhood (ages 0-5)
Young children may seem unconcerned or unaffected by a death or illness, but they still feel the change. If someone close to them is suddenly gone, they may feel sadness, confusion, or fear — even if they don’t understand exactly what happened. If a child is old enough to love, they’re old enough to grieve.
Use simple, clear language to explain what’s happening. Say things like, “Their body stopped working,” instead of “passed away” or “lost.” These phrases can be confusing and may lead children to expect the person to come back.
Your child may experience:
- Sadness and longing for the person who died
- More crying, emotional outbursts, or clinginess
- A return to habits from when they were younger, like thumb-sucking or bed-wetting
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Stomachaches and other physical symptoms
What can I do?
- Reassure your child that they are safe and supported. Keep them close to loved ones and caregivers they trust.
- When they're stressed, offer comfort items like a favorite stuffed animal or blanket
- Stick to daily routines to help them feel secure
- Let caregivers and teachers know what’s going on
- If a loved one is sick, help your child stay connected. Draw pictures, make cards, or set up a video call. At the same time, don’t force your child to do things they don’t want, like visit a hospital.
- Share happy memories and talk about the person who died
When should I be concerned?
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. But you should look for support if your child’s grief:
- Lasts for a long time
- Makes daily life difficult
- Becomes more intense (e.g., refusing to eat or frequent temper tantrums)
Where can I get help?
Grief and loss in school-age children (ages 6-11)
By age 6, most children understand that death is permanent. They may ask questions about what happens after someone dies and worry about the safety of others.
This is also the time when signs of depression in children can begin to show, especially if grief isn’t acknowledged or talked about. That makes your support especially important.
Your child may experience:
- Sadness and longing for the person who died
- Strong emotional reactions, like crying or angry outbursts
- A return to younger habits, like wanting to sleep with a parent
- Anxiety about loved ones
- Withdrawal from favorite activities
- Trouble concentrating at school
- Headaches and stomachaches
- Trouble sleeping or eating
What can I do?
- Have someone your child trusts share the difficult news
- Be honest and open
- Answer their questions. If you don’t know something, say so — and offer to find out
- Follow their lead. Let them choose how involved they want to be in things like hospital visits or funerals
- Let their teachers know what’s going on
- If a loved one is sick, help your child stay connected. Draw pictures, make cards, or set up a video call.
- Stick to daily routines but stay flexible
- Offer comfort items during times of stress
- Help them express grief through play, art, or talking
- Share happy memories and talk about the person who died
When should I be concerned?
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. But you should look for support if your child’s grief:
- Lasts a long time
- Interrupts school, family, or activities
- Causes behavior issues, like refusal to go to school or angry outbursts
- Leads to isolation from friends and family
- Affects their eating and sleeping habits
Where can I get help?
Grief and loss in teens (ages 12-18)
Teens understand that death is a part of life, but they may not show how deeply they’re affected. They might seem withdrawn or moody and may turn to friends more than family. However, they still need your support to be there and check in. Grief may overlap with broader adolescent mental health signs and symptoms, making it especially important to keep communication open.
Your child may experience:
- Sadness and longing for the person who died
- Strong emotions or emotional shutdown
- Anxiety about loved ones’ safety
- Withdrawal from friends or activities
- An increase in risk-taking behaviors
- Trouble concentrating in school
- Physical complaints like headaches
- Changes in sleeping and eating habits
What can I do?
- Let your child know it’s okay to feel what they feel
- Be open and honest. You can start to use medical terms if they want more detail.
- Answer their questions. If you don’t know something, say so — and offer to find out.
- Stay available to talk, even if they don’t open up right away
- If a loved one is sick, help your teen stay connected by writing letters or setting up a video call
- Let their teachers know what’s going on
- Stick to routines to create stability
- Encourage healthy outlets like sports, art, or journaling
- Talk about safe coping skills and discourage alcohol and drugs
- Include them in memorials or funeral plans if they want to participate
- Share happy memories and talk about the person who died
When should I be concerned?
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. But you should look for support if your teen’s grief:
- Lasts for a long time
- Interrupts school, family, or activities
- Affects sleep or eating habits
- Leads to violence, uncontrolled anger, or isolation
Where can I get help?
Grief and loss in young adults (ages 19-25)
Young adults are often juggling big life changes such as college, new careers, and relationships. Grief can make these milestones feel heavy and bittersweet. They might also struggle with guilt, especially if they’re far from home or feel torn between supporting family and pursuing their own path.
Your child may:
- Feel sad, anxious, or stuck
- Pull away from friends or goals
- Experience major shifts in sleep, eating, or exercise habits
- Feel unsure about future plans
What can I do?
- Let them know you’re there to listen
- Be open and honest
- Answer their questions. If you don’t know something, say so — and offer to find out.
- Stay available to talk, even if they don’t open up right away
- Encourage them to keep pursuing their goals, even when it feels hard
- Talk openly about mental health and substance use
- Share healthy ways to cope and grieve
- Invite them to participate in honoring the person who died in ways that are comfortable and meaningful to them
- Share happy memories and talk about the person who died
When should I be concerned?
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. But you should be concerned if your child’s grief:
- Lasts a long time
- Interferes with health, work, or school
- Leads to anger, withdrawal, or risky behavior
- Stops them from moving forward in life
- Causes isolation from friends and family
Where can I get help?
If your young adult’s emotions and behaviors become too big to handle, encourage them to seek help right away. They can:
- Talk with their primary care doctor for expert advice
- Use mental health services at their university
- Connect with an employee assistance program (EAP) at their job, if one is available
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
