Lack of empathy or understanding in young people
Even young children can show care and concern for others. But empathy — truly understanding and caring about how someone else feels — usually starts to develop around the elementary school years. Empathy plays a big role in making friends, getting along with others, and feeling connected. It can make a difference in how well children do in school, relationships, and life.
As kids grow, we expect them to be able to:
- Imagine what someone else is going through
- Manage their feelings in tough situations
- Notice feelings in themselves and others, like sadness, frustration, or disappointment
- Think about how to help someone who’s upset or hurting
- Understand that other people might think or feel differently than they do
Some children need more help than others to develop empathy. If your child seems uninterested in how others feel or doesn’t show care or concern, it may be a sign that they need extra support.
Help for children, teens, and young adults struggling with empathy
You play an important role in helping your child develop empathy. One of the most powerful ways to teach empathy is by modeling it in your everyday life — showing kindness, listening with care, and being open about your own feelings.
Talk with your child about how others might feel in different situations to help them build emotional awareness. These conversations don’t have to be long or formal. They can happen while reading a book together, watching a show, or talking about something that happened at school.
Be patient if empathy doesn’t come easily. Some kids need more time and support to understand emotions. Praise their efforts to show care or concern, even if they’re small. Over time, these moments add up to build stronger, more compassionate relationships.
If you’re still feeling unsure or concerned about your child’s behavior, you’re not alone. An expert can help you understand what’s going on and guide you toward strategies that work for your family.
Learn more about empathy and understanding at your child’s age
Lack of empathy or understanding in early childhood (0–5 years)
Young children are just beginning to move beyond a self-focused view of the world. Many will start to show early signs of empathy, like trying to comfort someone who’s upset. But some may still struggle with this.
For example, if a child sees a friend fall, a caring response would be to check if they’re okay. A child who hasn’t developed empathy might ignore the fall or even laugh.
What can I do about lack of empathy?
- Read books with characters who show empathy and talk about them
- Share your feelings so your child learns from your example
- Show empathy in your actions and talk about why it matters
- Show understanding when your child is upset
- Talk about how others might feel and what could help
- Use pretend play to practice kindness and understanding
When should I be concerned about lack of empathy?
All children lack empathy from time to time, especially when they are upset. You should be concerned if your child shows a consistent lack of empathy or a sudden loss of empathy, especially along with other behaviors, such as:
- Becomes withdrawn
- Has intense emotional outbursts or shuts down emotionally
- Has obsessive or repetitive behaviors
- Hurts others or animals
- Rarely or never shows concern for others
Where can I get help for lack of empathy??
- Talk to your child’s pediatrician for expert advice
- Ask your child’s preschool or daycare about what they’re seeing
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
A mental health expert can help figure out what’s going on and suggest ways to support your child and family. Sometimes, a lack of empathy links to challenges like autism, trauma, or trouble forming emotional connections. But most of the time, your child just needs more time and help.
Ohana uses a range of evidence-based treatments. We know that no two families are alike, so we’ll get to know you and your child through an evaluation. This way, we choose a care approach that works for your needs. Learn more about our treatment approaches.
Lack of empathy or understanding in school-age children (6–11 years)
At this stage, kids are learning how to cooperate and connect with others. They’re better at understanding their emotions and are beginning to recognize when others are upset or need help.
If your child seems to lack empathy, they might struggle with reading social cues or understanding how others feel. Children who have been through trauma or attachment difficulties may find this especially hard.
What can I do about lack of empathy?
- Do activities together that focus on helping others, like volunteering or donating food or clothes
- Help your child reflect when they’ve hurt someone or been unkind — and discuss ways to make things better
- Keep modeling care and kindness
- Show understanding when your child is upset
- Talk about your own and others’ feelings
When should I be concerned about lack of empathy?
It’s time to seek help if your child:
- Hurts others or animals
- Laughs at others’ pain and seems to enjoy it
- Regularly lacks empathy or suddenly changes behavior
- Seems very different emotionally than their siblings or peers
- Has empathy issues along with:
- Angry outbursts
- Defiance
- Obsessive or repetitive behavior
- Thoughts of revenge
- Withdrawn behavior
Where can I get help for lack of empathy?
- Talk to your child’s pediatrician for expert guidance
- Ask your child’s school about what they’re seeing
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
A mental health expert can assess your child and suggest the best path forward, including strategies for you as a parent. Sometimes, a lack of empathy links to challenges like autism, trauma, or trouble forming emotional connections. Treatment options depend on your child’s diagnosis and may involve parent coaching, therapy, or medication.
Ohana uses a range of evidence-based treatments. We know that no two families are alike, so we’ll get to know you and your child through an evaluation. This way, we choose a care approach that works for your needs. Learn more about our treatment options.
Lack of empathy or understanding in teens (12–18 years) and young adults (19–25 years)
Empathy should be well developed by the teen years. But your child may struggle with it sometimes, especially during stressful or emotional periods.
Teens and young adults face new pressures and more diverse relationships. A lack of empathy during this time might be temporary or a sign that something deeper is going on. In some cases, it may be one of the broader adolescent mental health signs and symptoms that point to a need for extra support.
What can I do about lack of empathy?
- Continue to show empathy and openness, especially toward those who are different
- Encourage volunteer work or community involvement
- Gently discuss situations where they could have responded more kindly
- Praise empathetic behavior when you see it
- Talk about how their actions affect others and encourage them to see other perspectives
When should I be concerned about lack of empathy?
Reach out for help if your teen or young adult:
- Can’t manage daily responsibilities, like school, work, and hygiene
- Doesn’t seem to care about the emotions or needs of others
- Enjoys others’ pain
- Expresses hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm
- Has emotional outbursts or talks about revenge
- Has intrusive thoughts
- Is cruel to people or animals
- Is withdrawn or secretive
- Shows a sudden or ongoing lack of empathy
- Stops enjoying things they used to like
- Views harmful or violent content online
Where can I get help for lack of empathy?
- Reach out to your child’s primary care doctor for expert guidance
- Encourage your child to use school or university mental health services
- Use an employee assistance program (EAP) if they have access through an employer
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
A mental health expert can meet with you and your child to understand what’s going on and develop a plan. Lack of empathy can sometimes point to deeper concerns, such as personality disorder, depression, autism, trauma, or substance use.
Their treatment will depend on the specific diagnosis. Individual, family, or group therapy can be helpful. In some cases, their provider may recommend medication. If your child continues not to see their behavior as a problem, setting clear boundaries and offering family support may be more effective than one-on-one therapy alone.
Ohana uses a range of evidence-based treatments. We know that no two families are alike, so we’ll get to know you and your child through an evaluation. This way, we choose a care approach that works for your needs. Learn more about our treatment approaches.
