I'm worried about my school-age child (6-11 years)

The school-age years bring your child into greater contact with the larger world — with new social, cognitive, and emotional territory to explore. There are so many opportunities for mastery and independence, alongside new challenges and worries. Exploring a wide variety of interests and building friendships is at the center of your child's healthy development. Challenges of this time include bearing setbacks, disappointments, and unfairness in school, sports, hobbies, and friendships. It's an important time to help your child gain meaningful self-confidence and a sense of responsibility so they'll be able to make good choices for themselves. Your child is:

• Facing academic and social challenges and managing setbacks
• Exploring new interests, like sports or art
• Testing their initiative and independence by making more of their own choices
• Making friends and developing social groups
• Learning to manage strong emotions
• Deepening their understanding of others and their feelings
• Learning to manage unfairness

What can I do?

This is an important time to help your child gain the self-confidence that grows from facing difficulty with support. If they are learning to manage challenges independently but not alone, they will eventually be able to make good choices for (and by) themselves. Some of the things you can do:

• Maintain healthy routines: bedtime, meals, school, mornings
• Set reasonable rules and enforce them calmly and consistently
• Model good behavior (live within the rules and routines you have set), and model apologizing and taking responsibility when you fall short
• Ask your child specific questions about school, their friends, the activities they enjoy or dislike, and what they find difficult
• Be curious about all their experiences, especially the difficult ones
• Don't jump in to solve their problems, but acknowledge and empathize with their discomfort
• Stay calm and curious when they are anxious or distressed
• Be mindful of their need to fit in and not stand out socially
• Ask about social pressures and talk about strategies to manage common problems (such as witnessing teasing or bullying)
• Help your child sample, explore and even take risks. This often requires your time being a driver, cheerleader, coach, or shoulder to cry on
• Celebrate your child's efforts and emerging character rather than their achievements

When should I worry?

Emotions can become more complicated or intense as your child faces more complex challenges. But some behavioral changes may indicate an emerging psychiatric problem that needs treatment to get better. If the behaviors you're concerned about happen every day or more than once per day, it's time to address them. Changes that should raise concern include:

• Refusal to attend school
• Major changes in their sleep routine or eating habits
• Withdrawal from social connections
• Increased anxiety, moodiness, anger, or defiance leading to difficulty in school, activities, or with friends

Where can I get help?

• Talk to your child's pediatrician about your experience and for guidance
• Check with your child's school for resources they may have for help and support
• Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01

Ohana is built on a breakthrough idea: mental illness is always treatable and can often be prevented. Mental fitness - like physical fitness - can be developed and sustained.