I’m worried about my teen (12–18 years old)

The teen years are a complex brew of physical, mental, emotional, and social changes. Teens have more capacity for complex thought, but their brain development is largely focused on social experiences and processes. They’re also going through puberty, with its physical, emotional, and hormonal changes. Though they are getting more independent, they are also facing more peer influence and peer pressure. What does all this look like in real time? Your child is:

• Experiencing a wide range of moods, from happy and calm to sad and irritable
• Showing more concern about their body image, looks, and clothes
• Showing more interest in friends and more influence from peers
• Expressing less affection toward parents, sometimes seeming rude or short-tempered
• Feeling stress from more challenges in school, sports, or work
• Having a deeper capacity for developing friendships and romantic relationships

What can I do?

Though their interests and attention are mostly turning outward, you can still help your teen navigate the challenges they’re encountering. Some things you can try:

• Listen to them and allow them to share as much as they’d like
• Ask open-ended questions; try prompts such as, “What more is there to this story?”
• Reserve judgment during discussions so they will be more open to sharing with you
• Acknowledge how they feel with supportive statements like, “I can understand why you feel hurt about this. I also know how strong you are and believe you will get through it”
• Build problem-solving skills through coaching. Express the problem and help your teen brainstorm potential solutions with questions like:
• What ideas do you have to address this?
• What would happen if you did that?
• Are there any consequences if you do that?
• What do you have control over in this situation?
• Give comfort in a way your teen finds soothing, such as a hug or favorite snack, or another way that makes sense for your teen
• Ask if your teen would be interested in hearing your thoughts or experiences in a similar situation. If they say no, then respect their wishes

When should I worry?

While teenage mood swings and changes in routines are normal, here are some signs that your teen’s struggles warrant professional help:

• Anxiety that causes extreme distress, seems out of proportion, or limits their activities
• Isolation or withdrawal from people, activities, and usual interests
• Sadness that lasts for an extended time
• Anger that is more frequent, lasts longer, or is accompanied by aggression or violence
• Sleeping much more, or much less, than usual
• Eating much more, or much less, than usual
• Increased difficulty concentrating or paying attention
• New or worsened academic troubles
• Signs of or talk about self-harm
• Alcohol or drug use

Where can I get help?

If your teen is experiencing issues like these, here are some avenues to seek help:

• Talk to your teen’s primary care doctor about your experience and for guidance
• Check with your teen’s school for resources they may have for help and support
• Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01

Ohana is built on a breakthrough idea: mental illness is always treatable and can often be prevented. Mental fitness — like physical fitness — can be developed and sustained.