Raising resilient teens
Being a teenager is hard. And so is parenting a teenager. Preparing your teen to bounce back from challenging or difficult times is an important part of parenting. You may want to step in and try to fix a problem for them when they’re stuck. But if you do, you may be keeping your teen in a bubble and shielding them from failure or disappointment. They need to learn how to cope with difficult situations they’ll face in everyday life.
Why your teen needs coping skills
Teens develop better mental health by handling life’s challenges on their way to adulthood. They learn to work out problems, accept failure, and deal with hard emotions. Learning from adversity helps young people develop deeper self-knowledge. It also allows them to figure out coping strategies that work for them.
Resilient teens can get back to their “normal” selves after facing challenges. The more difficulties they face, the better prepared they are to manage them successfully.
Foundations of mental health
Healthy habits are the foundation of resilience:
Model what resilience looks like
Whether you realize it or not, your teen watches how you react to setbacks or challenges. Your responses can contribute to your teen’s resilience.
It’s important to model the healthy behaviors and skills you want your teen to use. Show self-compassion and keep problems in perspective. Seek help or support from your family, friends, or professionals whenever needed. Be open and honest with your teen. Share your problems and talk about ways that you can resolve them together.
7 tips to help teens in a difficult time
To raise a resilient teen, resist your desire to intervene. Be proactive and teach them how to resolve problems. Be there to provide emotional support through hard times.
To foster resilience in your teen, you can:
- Acknowledge your teen’s feelings with statements like, “I can understand how you might feel hurt about this.”
- Ask if your teen would be interested in hearing your thoughts or experiences with a similar situation. If they say no, then respect their wishes.
- Ask open-ended questions. Try prompts such as, “What more is there to this story?”
- Build problem-solving skills through coaching. Express the problem and help your teen brainstorm potential solutions with questions like:
- What ideas do you have to address this?
- What would happen if you did that?
- What are the consequences if you do that?
- What do you have control over in this situation?
- Give comfort in a way your teen finds soothing, such as a hug, offer of tea, or another way that makes sense for your teen.
- Listen to them and allow them to share as much as they’d like.
- Reserve judgment during discussions. Your teen might sense your disappointment and be less inclined to share with you.
When you empower your teen to be resilient, you help them thrive during good and challenging times. Together, you can get through anything.
